i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
