I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
