it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
