Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
