i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
