I'm eating all of the evidence.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
