dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
