i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
