I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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