I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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