Cold hands, warm shart.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize