She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
