Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
