GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
