According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
