the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
