first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
