I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
