God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
