She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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