Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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