Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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