he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
