She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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