I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
