we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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