oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize