I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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