If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
