He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
