if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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