WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My bed smells like the plague
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
