She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
