look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found the puke drawer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
