he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
