did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
