So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
