and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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