im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
