hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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