No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
