Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
