he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
