Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
