he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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