I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
