I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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