I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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