i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
