I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
