i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
