I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
