dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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