This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
