well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
