I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
