Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got inside last night via doggy door
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I deserve this hangover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
