Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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