i barfeds in our rink
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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