I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
