god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
