Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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