i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
