No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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