So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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