that's an acceptable place to lick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
