Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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