is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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