Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
