Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
