If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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