Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
