Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
