I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
