So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
